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Spanish Fan

by Din Strange Dresses

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1.
You've got my hasty letters caked in weariness and sentiment but I've got your cardboard, napkin stream-of-conscious spills and figures drawn in wet cement commit to fire every loving thing I grew and lived and sent between the tides of stress, the hatred rests, cooled and warped and bent A fracture lies against my foot and on the other side the people drift the people just glide close my eyes to a camera flash you seemed so fast against my flesh red eyes When you gonna stop comin back? And end these calls, exhaust all I've exalted? With my tired heart I'm never, never gonna return to the winter scintillating suns, it splintered everything it hung so low I'm never, never gonna return to the winter scintillating suns, it splintered everything it hung so low When you gonna stop comin back? And end these calls, exhaust all I've exalted? With my tired heart
2.
Tangle #2 00:28
3.
Spanish Fan 05:10
Somewhere sits a Spanish fan upon the desk a broken lamp it's dim-lit rapture, hardened hands wound into some southern sea mobiles swinging, sweetly, freely the faces flashing, hurried flood and iron rail, so fast and wailing driving arms across my breast The air shaft breathes in beads of snow the ashing sky comes swinging low the dull St. Matthew's bell unfolds inhalation of that central pain the lonely letters of your name arranged Only at the spanish beats it's then I miss the spanish signs and humid thoughts of simple minds a hazy sense of deep blue ink surrounding thoughts I couldn't think The light turns on upon my wall television from the space beneath the door orange glow, persistent calm absent kin sympathy where is it? that I crave so much
4.
Sea Glass 03:25
Was it a boy? Or was it a daughter? Honey, don’t think honey, don’t bother the stray cats the sea glass the burdened days of old Verdun shelled How can I hate things when everything moves and all things swallow and all things consume?
5.
Vacillating between calm troughs of glinting pain and crippling misery having freshly faced the richness of my ugliness and of the things I have not let grow The subtle unconscious emotions magnetic sewn to the dark sides of sick impure happinesses Amid the crashing and the chaos of all this dreams of early August before Autumn wrought itself upon us and released the pressures my strength longed to contain with the fool’s hope that they would fade I long for reason to invade my heart And yet more than anything I longed to see her in the dress I gave her from Thailand from the garage sale of the old traveled couple made of silk and frayed so slightly like her hair, when strands have fallen out of place across her forehead With the shimmering dark green against her skin she would cool her neck and her face with the spanish fan a birthday gift as if she were gently, half-heartedly imploring sin to leave her alone for only five minutes When we were hundreds of miles away when she was in New York and I was in Georgia and I could only picture her I begged to hear the fan as it waved in her slender hand It’s dry sandy shifting sounding every piece of it’s movement Of the thin wooden spokes softly clacking of the paper rustling like the low static anthem of a television between channels of the air brushed over her hair black as the core of an eye An imagination like memory a thin vista wrapped in Thai silk

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released February 7, 2014

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Din Strange Dresses Jersey City, New Jersey

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